This is another post in a series exploring the top reasons we keep stuff, according to David Ekerdt, professor of sociology and gerontology at the University of Kansas. Dr. Ekerdt has spent his career interviewing and studying people, digging into their attachment to their belongings and trying to understand why we love our things so much. He developed this list of the top reasons we keep things:
It seems useful.
We think it is worth money.
It gives us pleasure.
It represents us.
We may need it one day.
It was a gift.
Conservation is a virtue.
Legacy – we want to leave things to people when we die.
We keep because we can.
In this post I am exploring this idea that we keep things because they seem useful.
The key here is the word “seem.” If something really is useful, then you should keep it. There’s nothing complicated about that. You need a set of pots and pans because you cook, you need a dresser because you have clothes, you need a jewelry box because you have jewelry. Easy.
But the problem is that we sometimes keep things because they seem useful, even if they really are not. It’s possible something was once quite useful but no longer is. And then there are items that always seems to have the potential to be useful but the need for them never seems to come about.
People often ask us about hoarding. It’s a topic that both scares and fascinates people. I think this is because we all recognize that, on some level, most of us naturally have hoarding instincts. A hoarder can point to everything in their home and say: “this seems useful.” And most of us can probably say the same thing about the contents of our homes.
It’s important to note that true hoarding is psychological disorder and, for most people, a tendency to be a “pack rat” is not the same as hoarding. If you or a loved one are showing signs of true hoarding, please see my earlier post for places that can provide more information and services.
But it is also true that we keep a lot of things because they seem useful. So let’s look at what it means that they “seem” useful.
I’ll use plastic bags as an example. Almost every client we’ve ever worked with has had a plastic bag collection. Some are small collections, balled up under the kitchen sink, but other collections are quite large. Sometimes they have a designated spot in a pantry, or in a coat closet. Sometimes they have a few spots throughout a kitchen.
Every hoarder I have met or worked with has a large plastic bag collection. But, to them, each individual plastic bag has a unique use, so must be kept. They can tell you all about it. I have had hoarders spend ten minutes showing me different plastic bags and explaining each one’s unique usefulness.
For example, one bag may be perfect for carrying a small umbrella on a rainy day. You can keep the bag in your purse and bring it out to hold the umbrella when it is wet. Another bag may be perfect for holding two small Tupperware containers – just the right size for carrying your lunch to work. Another may be just the right size to carry two bottles of wine to a friend’s house for dinner. In the extreme example of hoarding, this can lead to an entire cabinet filled with nothing but bags. For most of us, it does not get that extreme but we could probably all whittle down our bag collection.
The key is to examine just how useful each item really is. Do you really need twenty plastic bags? Or would five suffice?
There’s a simple exercise you can do. Open a closet door and look at all the contents in front of you. Ask yourself, about each object: is this object before me really useful or does it just seem useful?
Another helpful technique is to think about how long things have sat unused. If it’s been over a year, you can probably part with it.
A few years ago my husband and I hosted a party and bought some obscure liquors for a fancy cocktail. Those half-full bottles ended up sitting in our pantry cabinet for years, untouched since the party. We kept saying maybe we’ll make that cocktail again. But it was an intricate concoction and whenever making one was suggested, we always felt more in the mood for a glass of wine or a more simple cocktail. Recently, we gave the bottles to a neighbor. We can always replace them if the fancy strikes a few years from now.
Of course, the one-year rule doesn’t apply to emergency items like first aid kits and fire extinguishers. Those are the rare items that even a minimalist like me hopes everyone has and never uses.
The point here is to focus in on what you own that is actually useful, and make sure you are not confusing it with things that only seem useful but are not truly useful. It may seem like a slight distinction, but it can carry a lot of weight. We often just assume something is useful, without really teasing out whether or not, in fact, it really is.
