My little pearl-handled friend

If you had told me, ten years ago, that we would come across as many handguns as we have, I would have dismissed you out of hand. Why would a bunch of elderly New Yorkers have guns? Turns out, we had no idea how many guns are tucked away inside New York City condos and coops.

James

We were hired by Carl, the executor of James’ estate, to clear out James’ apartment. Carl and James had been good friends for many years. James had told Carl and lots of other friends that he had a small handgun, but Carl had never actually seen it. Whenever anyone would express concern that James was living alone, he would say: “Don’t worry! My pearl-handled little friend will take care of me.”

We kept an eye out for this gun during all our sorting sessions. We looked in closets, cabinets, and the backs of dressers but never came across it. Finally, when the apartment was just about empty, we came back to remove the last remaining things.

 There was no furniture left -- just a few odds and ends, including a small ceramic planter with a dead plant in it. I pulled the plant out so I could donate the planter and found myself staring at the cutest little gun I have ever seen. It looked like a toy.

 Carl wanted nothing to do with it. He recoiled at the sight of it and asked that we remove it from his presence. It was almost as if he thought the thing could take aim and shoot him on its own.

 This gun, like almost all the others we have found, had never been registered. Fortunately, if you’re emptying an estate and find a gun within a certain period of time, it does not count as you possessing an unregistered gun.  We called the police and they sent a squad car to pick it up.

 The police officers who came teased us about how we were all afraid to touch it. Technically, they said, they were not supposed to handle it for us; we were supposed to bring it to the station ourselves. But they took pity on us and carried it to their car. Joe got into the back to escort the gun to the precinct and make sure we had seen the last of it.

Jane
A year later we helped Jane move to Canada with her boyfriend of many years. Jane had advanced dementia so she was not involved in the decisions and planning of the move, but she was always present while we worked. She mostly just observed, but once in a while she would pipe in with a funny comment or question.

 One day we brought an appraiser from an auction house to the apartment to assess some things that might have re-sale value. He wanted to see some crystal that had been piled into a small cabinet on the floor, so Joe got down on his hands and knees and pulled everything out.

 As he was doing so, Jane called out, “Watch out for my gun!” We all had a good chuckle, thinking she was making a joke. But, when she realized we were not taking her seriously, she walked over to where Joe was crouched on the floor to get his attention.

 She directed him to push gently against the back of the shelf. He did as he was told and, sure enough, he found that the cabinet had a false back. Behind it was a handgun. Turns out it belonged, legally, to Jane’s daughter. She passed away years ago and Jane put it in the secret compartment so it would be safely hidden away.

 This time was more complicated. Unlike with Carl’s estate, Jane was in possession of an unregistered handgun. The police were supposed to fill out a report. Aware of Jane’s condition, they were reluctant to do this. They suggested we bring the gun to the station for their no questions asked gun return. Joe, however, was reluctant to walk even the short distance to the station with an illegal handgun. The police agreed to drive him. So, once again, Joe found himself in the back of a police car.

 Guns can have a decent re-sale value but the rules for selling them vary by state. Please check your state’s laws before trying to do so.

 However, our clients have always been more interested in getting guns out of circulation rather than selling them. Many cities, including New York, offers anonymous gun return policies, often with an incentive. New York, for example, offers $200 for the exchange. We don’t know exactly what the New York City Police Department does with these surrendered guns, but I would hope they are destroyed.

 Here is a link to find out more about NYC’s program:  NYC311

 If you own a gun or a collection of them, please follow your local firearms regulations. Keep any paperwork handy that your heirs would need in order to sell or dispose of them. And be sure to keep your registrations current. Imagine if the police at Joan’s had not been as helpful. It may have led to an elderly woman with dementia having to go in front of a judge for illegal possession of a firearm.

 Like everything you own, a gun collection may end up becoming your heirs or caretaker’s responsibility. Keeping them informed of the collection along with all the paperwork will be greatly appreciated. And if you do decide to keep registered guns, please keep them locked up and unloaded. Maybe not in a planter.

China, china, everywhere

Most of our elderly clients have at least one set of china. It’s often a set that they registered for when they were married fifty or sixty years ago. For this generation, china was considered an essential part of a middle or upper-class family’s home. Sets were displayed proudly in a display cabinet in the dining room. This was so common that the cabinets are called china cabinets.

These sets are usually in excellent condition. The reason is simple. Most of this china has rarely, if ever, been used. Because they are fragile, and were expensive to purchase, our clients only used them on special occasions. Some kept waiting for an occasion special enough only to find it never arrived.

Almost daily I find myself having the same conversation. Even though our clients’ grandkids have said “no thank you,” even though they’ve read articles about how nobody wants china anymore, they still hold out hope that their set is the exception and that we will be able to sell it for lots of money. It was expensive when it was given to them, so naturally they think it must still be valuable.

The simple problem is that today’s young people don’t want china anymore. They don’t want the hassle of cleaning the set by hand and they don’t want to waste a full cabinet drawer to hold it all. And they certainly don’t want to buy a display cabinet to hold it all. Many value experiences over possessions, registering for vacations instead of kitchenware.

Aside from the lack of demand for china, another reason it is hard to sell is that it is expensive to move. Because it is delicate, each piece has to be packed with a lot of protective material. And because china is heavy, it needs to be packed in multiple boxes.

One of the first things you learn when you get into the moving business is that heavy boxes are at most risk of being dropped. If a heavy box contains books or papers and is accidentally dropped, this is not usually a problem. Paper doesn’t break. But if a heavy box containing something breakable like china is dropped, there is a good chance the contents will be destroyed. So even if you find a buyer for your set, the cost of shipping it will often exceed the re-sale value.

 Very occasionally a particular set of china will turn out to have value, so it is worth checking with an auction house or dealer. But the vast majority that we have dealt with either doesn’t sell at all or sells for very low amounts. Please do not assume you are doing your heirs a great financial favor by leaving it for them to sell.

 We generally encourage clients to donate their china. Most of the places we work with will still take decorative items because they can sell each piece for a small amount and still make a little money. I have seen cups and saucers sell for a few dollars each at thrift stores. But I fear that even the options for donating china are going to become more limited in the future. There is just too much of it available.

 And if you’re not ready to donate, our advice? Use it! Make every day that special occasion. Oatmeal takes on a whole new taste when served in a fancy bowl with floral patterns. And it can be fun to serve your guests an after-dinner drink in a cute teacup. If it chips, throw it away.

 I know this may sound reckless. You may be shaking your head as you read this, thinking of how expensive your set was or how your mother would carefully hold one of her plates and remind you about her wedding and how she selected this particular set to register for.

 The key to keep in mind is that the purchase price of your china, like so much else in your home, has no bearing on what the china is worth now. Now it is only worth what someone will pay you for it. And that someone – that potential purchaser – can buy a decent set of dishwasher-safe, unbreakable dinnerware from Amazon or IKEA for a song.

Organizing Life's Daily Demands Interviews Paper Moon Moves

We were honored to be interviewed by Peter Gordon, a certified daily money manager and owner of New York Financial Organizers. In this interview, we discuss the main reasons people call a senior move manager as well as what happens to your belongings if something were to happen to you. How difficult would it be if your executor or family members suddenly had to come in and figure out what to do with all of your stuff? I talk about my sister and how I want to avoid leaving her a big confusing situation to manage if my husband and I pre-decease her.

We have partnered with Peter over the years when clients have found that staying on top of paperwork has become too challenging for them. He and his business partner patiently help their clients re-gain control over their bills.

We talked about how we both help elderly clients prepare for the future:

We talked about the reasons people call a senior move manager, and how to think about what would happen to all of your stuff in an emergency.

”Since 2009, Paper Moon Moves has been sorting, selling, donating, and managing our clients’ cherished belongings, and ensuring that they have just what they need for the next stage of their lives. If you’re faced with the challenge of downsizing and moving a senior you love or handling an estate, Paper Moon Moves is here to help.”

Can you sell my piano?

The words I have come to dread hearing the most are: Can you sell my piano?

 Like sets of china, collectible figurines, and heavy dark wood furniture, pianos have, sadly, gone out of style and have become difficult to sell. There are two key reasons:

1. There are more used pianos available to be sold than there are interested buyers.

2. As you know from film comedies, it is hard to move a piano!

 Up until forty or fifty years ago, most middleclass or wealthy families bought pianos for their homes. Owning a piano was a sign of success and education, and children all took lessons. I remember how excited my mother was when she moved her childhood piano from Pennsylvania to our home in Virginia. I took lessons for a few years but then realized that I was not cut out for the piano. The piano then just sat in the living room for years, unplayed. Eventually, when our mother sold her house, it had to be discarded.

 Today, few people buy pianos. Many musicians find that synthesizers and keyboards are sufficient. These are less expensive, easier to maintain, and much easier to transport than pianos. Because there has been such a drastic reduction in the number of potential piano buyers, we have a glut of pianos on the market.

 It is also difficult to donate a piano and it takes a lot of time to do so. We once helped a client try to donate her piano to her church. Someone from the church came to her apartment to play it and absolutely loved it. But when it came time to arrange to move the piano to the church, the church said they couldn’t afford to pay for the move. Our client wasn’t willing to spend the money herself, so the donation wasn’t made and the piano had to be discarded.

 Some pianos remain popular. There is a market for used Steinways, for example. But the amount of money you can make from selling a high-end piano is going to be reduced by the cost of moving it.

 We had a client whose wife had been a concert pianist. She had a stunning baby grand in their Park Avenue living room. But, it turns out, the building’s elevator had been replaced in the years since the piano was moved into their home and the new elevator couldn’t accommodate a baby grand. The only option for getting it out of the building was to have it lifted out of a window. The cost for this service was more than the buyer was willing to pay, so the piano wasn’t sold. It had to be taken apart just to get it out of the building.

 Added to the complication of trying to sell or donate a piano is the problem that pianos with ivory keys cannot, by law, be sold. U.S. and New York State both prohibit the sale of ivory.

 The sad truth is that many pianos wind up being discarded. This is always heartbreaking for our clients and we can understand why. A piano is much more than a piece of furniture – it is something with a rich history and happy memories of musical evenings. And, to add insult to injury, there is a cost to have a piano discarded. A professional junk hauler has to be hired to remove it carefully and dispose of it properly.

 Nobody wants to pay for this service, and nobody wants to learn that their piano cannot be sold or donated. It’s very sad to be the person to have to tell clients this news. I wish we had a better solution but, for now, we are left with no good options.

Secrets from the grave

Secrets from the grave…..

 It’s not a topic we love thinking about but, sadly, death is an inevitable part of life. And the truth is that once people die, we become privy to a lot of details about their lives. We sometimes find ourselves uncovering things that the deceased had kept hidden from everyone they know. This is something to think about now. If you were hit by a bus tomorrow, is there anything in your files or drawers that will shock or confuse your heirs?

 When our client Elaine died, she left her son and daughter-in-law a huge apartment to sort and empty. Chad and Jennifer lived in Boston, so they traveled to New York four or five weekends, diligently sorting through everything Elaine left behind, including fifty years of correspondence and greeting cards.

 As they sorted, they came across a box of letters between Elaine and a man with whom she had a twenty-year affair. The affair had started (it seems) after Chad’s parents had divorced, but the boyfriend was married and had three kids when he and Elaine were involved and now he had a handful of grandchildren.

 It is possible Elaine wanted Chad and Jennifer to find out about this relationship. Maybe she always felt guilty about hiding this from them and hoped to clear the air after her death. But she probably did not realize that she would leave them –

in mourning and burdened with the task of emptying her apartment – also suddenly forced to process the fact that she had been in a long-term relationship with a married father of three.

 Chad and Jennifer had to decide whether or not to reach out to the boyfriend. Can you imagine meeting your mother’s boyfriend of many years for the first time after her death?

 And it makes me wonder how they will remember Elaine? Will her secret become the defining aspect of her life? I bet every time they mention her death to a friend, the affair is the first thing discussed. They probably laugh about it a little, but I am certain it is not easy to learn that someone you loved could keep such a big secret from you. How much time have Chad and Jennifer spent re-evaluating their interactions with Elaine and second-guessing their own memories?

 One thing Jennifer told me still haunts me. “You know what really upsets me?” she said. “Chad and I tried, for years, to encourage her to date again. We thought she must be lonely and we were sad that she never met anyone after her divorce. All this time, she was madly in love.”

 It is natural and normal that we all have secrets. Most are not shocking in nature, just things we prefer to keep private. But it’s worth remembering that evidence of those secrets very well may outlive you.

 You have been hiding these secrets for many years, but you will not be present when they are discovered. You will never have a chance to defend yourself, or explain. Angry journal entries written in the heat of the moment may be taken as how you felt every day. Evidence of a youthful one-time indiscretion may define you. You will not be able to apologize.

 You may be thinking that you do not care about this. A lot of people would say: I’ll be dead, so why should I care?

 But think about the grief this could cause the people you love the most. Their memory of you will now be tinged by this secret. And they will not have the option to talk to you about it, so they will have to carry their confusion, and possibly anger, with them for the rest of their lives.

 You may have journals, mementos, or photos in your basement or in the backs of your closet. Take an inventory of them now and make sure that they do not contain anything that could prove distressful for someone to learn about after you die. It may seem painful to discard them, but this could be the responsible thing to do.

 As you think about any of these things you have refrained from sharing with the people you love, you might consider why you have kept it a secret. It’s possible that you will want to share things that you have kept hidden. Better to do this now when you can be part of the conversation.

Decluttering: Where do I start?

I’m always so relieved by spring. It feels like a great time to take a deep breath and focus on priorities. For some, this means being at opening day for Yankee Stadium. Alas, for many of us, this means finally facing the fact that we have too much stuff.

Maybe you’ve been thinking for months, or even years, that you wish you could actually hang your clothes in your over-stuffed closet, or find room on your bookshelf for those new books you got for your birthday.

But where to start? Fourteen years in business have taught us a few techniques we’d like to share with you.

Break it down

Make a list of each of the areas and categories of things in your home that you’d like to organize. Keep it specific

Schedule time

In your calendar schedule three hours to tackle the first (easiest) item on your list. Schedule this time soon and block off the full three hours.

1. Break it down

   The reason so many decluttering projects fail is because we try to tackle everything at once. Thinking we can complete the whole project with one weekend of elbow grease, we roll up our sleeves, dive in, and…. burn out! Or we look at all our closest and get paralyzed thinking this can never get done.

   Just like building Rome, your closets will not be streamlined in one day!

   Instead, try this: Make a list of each of the areas and categories of things in your home that you’d like to organize. Keep it specific.

   Your list might read like this:

   1. Sweaters

   2. Records

   3. Kitchen pantry

   4. Books in study

   5. Junk drawer in kitchen

2. Rank the list in order: easiest to hardest

   Start with some wins! If you’re on a first-name basis with the local restaurant delivery people, pairing down the kitchen pantry might not be too hard. Start there. Get used to the process. Then, when you finally get to those books you love, you’ll have some practice and it’ll make parting with these beloved items easier.

3. Schedule a time

   Don’t think you’ll spend the whole day doing this. Alternatively, don’t plan to do this here and there when you “have a minute.” In your calendar schedule three hours to tackle the first (easiest) item on your list. Schedule this time soon and block off the full three hours.

4. Come prepared and stay focused

   At the appointed time, do whatever you can to avoid distractions. Don’t worry, Instagram will still be there in 3 hours and the DVR will still record anything you're missing. Have a few supplies on hand: large clear bags for donations, boxes, packing tape, garbage bags, blue painter’s tape, and a marker.

5. Look at everything

   There’s no secret shortcut here. You have to decide about each item. Look at items one-by-one and ask yourself some basic questions, such as: When was the last time I used this? Do I need this? Do I even like this?

   The goal here is to keep only the items you really like and use. Everything else should be boxed or bagged. Your boxes and bags can be separated into the following categories; give to family/friends, sell, donate, or discard.

   Be firm with yourself, but don’t go overboard. There is no need to get rid of everything. In some areas you will downsize a lot, others just a little.

6. Wrap up the session and organize the space

   At the end of the session, remove the bags and boxes of things you aren’t keeping. This may involve throwing things away or bringing things to a donation center. Or it may mean finding a temporary place in your home to store all of these things so you can handle them at a later date. But make sure you clean up so you can appreciate your newly decluttered area and the work you’ve done!

7. Reward yourself

   This is hard work. These items mean something to you. Parting with them is tough. So take a moment to pat yourself on the back. Pour that glass of wine, eat those chocolate truffles, or veg out with an hour of reality television (or all three!). You’ve earned it. Even if it doesn’t feel like you got all that much done, you’ve put in the time and are making progress. And that deserves to be celebrated.

8. Repeat steps 3 through 7 for everything on your list. And be sure to remember #7!

Senior Living Options: the basics

Types of senior living communities

The world of senior living can be confusing. There’s a lot of jargon, and a lot to figure out when you are assessing options for yourself or someone you love who may no longer be safe or comfortable living in their home.

 This is a simplified list, but hopefully it will help clarify the basic options for senior housing:

 Independent Living (IL): These are designed for active seniors who want to maintain their independence while having access to amenities and social activities. IL communities typically offer apartments or townhomes, and usually have dining options available, and services such as laundry and cleaning. Here you can choose to socialize or maintain your independence.

Assisted Living (AL): AL communities are for seniors who need help with activities of daily living (ADLs), such as bathing, dressing, getting in or out of bed, using the toilet, eating, or medication management. These communities typically offer private apartments with different levels of care depending on the needs of each resident. Meals are typically included, as is housekeeping and laundry service.

 Memory Care: Memory care communities are designed for seniors with Alzheimer's or other forms of dementia. These communities offer specialized care and support for seniors with memory loss, including secure environments and specialized programming to promote memory function. Memory care communities typically offer private or semi-private rooms with 24-hour care and supervision.

Continuing Care Retirement Communities (CCRCs): CCRCs are generally large campuses that offer a range of care options, from independent living to skilled nursing care. Once someone moves in, they can transition seamlessly into different levels of care as their needs change. CCRCs typically require an upfront entrance fee and a monthly fee for ongoing care and services.

55+ Communities: These are age-restricted communities that cater to active adults aged 55 and older. These communities offer a variety of amenities and activities, such as golf courses, swimming pools, and fitness centers. 55+ communities can be either rental or owned, and may or may not have health care services available.

Skilled Nursing Facilities: Skilled nursing facilities provide 24-hour medical care and supervision for seniors with complex medical needs. These facilities typically offer both short-term and long-term care options, and may offer rehabilitation services, such as physical therapy.

When considering a senior living community, it's important to consider your current and future needs, your budget, and your lifestyle preferences. There are resources available to help you make the right choice. A good geriatric care manager (GCM), also called an Aging Life Care Professional (ALCA) will assess your needs and help you start to understand which type of senior living is right for you, and what your local options are. Many GCMs can be found on a directory on the Aging Life Care Association website, www.aginglifecare.org.

Do you have too many books?

Books are one of the hardest things to part with, because we feel they represent us. But, at some point, you may realize that you might, possibly, have too many books. As you assess your book collection, ask yourself...

1. Am I going to read this again?
We all have books we never really liked, books we never got around to reading, and books given as a gift that we keep purely out of guilt. These would be better suited for donation, or if they are in rough condition, recycling.

2. Is this book still relevant?
Sometimes books or magazines we needed at one time in our lives are just taking up space in the present. These are old text books, manuals, and catalogs from years ago. Take the time to sort them, and recycle any that are out-of-date.

3. If I can live with it boxed up, could I live without it entirely?
Most likely: Yes! If you don't have the shelf space to hold all of your books - to the point where they are out of sight and taking up space in your closets- maybe it's time to re-evaluate what the books mean to you.

4. Can I do this by myself?
Books can be wonderful additions to our homes. They can spark memories, entertain us, and challenge us. The problem is, at some point, they can become just another object taking up space in our homes and weighing us down. The key is to keep a collection that really has meaning to you, and avoid holding onto every book you've ever owned just because you feel you should.

Our staff at Paper Moon Moves have extensive experience with books, and can help you effectively sort your book collection if you feel like you just can't do it on your own. We can help with donating and disposal as well. We will help see your organizing project through to the end!

Storage is a four-letter word.

When our clients are reluctant to de-clutter, they often ask us about storage. We admit, there can be times when storage is a good solution: if you’re selling your home and need to de-clutter for staging purposes, if you’re moving and your new home won’t be ready before you have to leave your current home, or if you’re renovating and have to empty out part of your home temporarily.

The key word here is temporary. If you’re considering storage, make sure it’s short term.

We were hired once to empty two large storage rooms that our client had rented 34 years ago, when she moved to New York and had to downsize from her house in New Jersey to a small apartment. We estimated that she spent $189,000 to store her things all this time. Guess how many times she visited the site?

Zero.

She never went there to pick up anything that she needed because, guess what, if she had needed any of this stuff to begin with, she never would have put it in storage.

The United States has more than 45,000 storage facilities, and the industry makes more than $39 Billion annually. It’s too much.

If you have things you’ve stored away for someday, fill in the blanks:

1. My things have been in storage for ______ months.

2. My monthly storage fees are $_____.

Now multiply those two numbers, and calculate how much money you’ve spent. Now think about the things you’ve stored. Is there anything in there that is worth all that hard-earned money?